I feel pretty depressed today. I used to get so excited when it was time to head home from work. Maybe because I'd indulge in my crappy habits. Now there's not much to do. I realize that soon there will be even less to do once I quite smoking. My life is full of addictions! Thankfully not the drug kind. As I'm pulling out of certain activities and behaviour I can recognize the symptoms of withdrawl and I know that it will only get worse. I did come across a great quote by Lon Milo Duquette in his Magick of Thelema:
Conversley any unwilled action is an unmagical act: reaching for a cigarette; ordering that fourth Martini; or any habitual or reactive behavior that overrides the momentum of one's life focus could fall into the category of an unmagical act.
I think that these few sentences really make the point that I have been trying to make these past few day. My life is a series of unwilled acts. I have become so accustomed to these that it's hard to break free. What makes it even harder is that I really will end up doing this alone. Now I will have the support of my family and friends when it comes to breaking my bad habits they just won't understand when it comes time to build my self up. This puts me on a different spiritual path than most of the other people I know. I think we have all had the strange looks when we talk about Thelema!
I don't mind having to do it alone. Well I do plan on joining the local O.T.O. body here in Chicago so I hope that I can find some people in there who can offer some guidance.
You know when I was on the way to work today I had considered what it would take to become a counselor. I would love to offer my services to people at no charge who are going through similar things to me. There is no doubt that it is very stressful and often people have gone through a lot of emotional distress which may have caused them to go on the path or may be a result traveling on the path. I did see something that the ECG was really taking the needs of its members seriously. I think it was some seminar that addressed the emotional well being of it's members which I thought was so great! Well anyway it was just an idea.
Love is the law love under will.
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