1-5-10

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law

Man I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning! I don't know why. I was drinking quite a bit last night. It's funny, I always need something to occupy me. Typically I sit on my ass play on the internet, watch t.v., talk on the phone, drink and smoke at the same time. Well now that I don't have cable or internet it's making me kinda crazy! It's hitting me that I need to change so much in my life. It makes me almost panic! as a result it makes me want to do those typical things even more!

I know that I need to make changes but I really am addicted to my way of life. For instance money is going to be very tight. I need to start bringing my lunches to work. So what did I do this morning instead of making my sandwiches? I sat my butt on the couch watching a DVD of Reno 911 because I didn't want to get up and make a sandwich! I bought my lunch from a 7/11!!

I do feel that being healthy and happy is key to any kind of spiritual development. How can I expect any progress if I try and avoid work, chores, saving money, losing weight, quite smoking, cut down on drinking. How can a person who regularly acts that way expect any form of growth?

It's funny. Last week I had this great plan to transform my apartment! I was going to fill it with books pertaining to the occult, great magickal statues and strange images. I was going to turn one of the empty bedrooms into a temple! I was going to have the coolest magickal bachelor pad! This is typical of me. Instead of changing my life and creating some real progress just spend money I don't have and make it 'look' like I made real progress! Luckily I came to my senses the other day. With my last paycheck I ordered a meditation chair from eBay. What I think I want to do is set aside a small amount of time everyday for meditation. Ideally the same time. I will spend some of my next paycheck on some of my favorite incense and these meditation bells from Tibet. What I want to do is use the sound of the bell and the smell of the incense to transform my mindset. Kind of like Pavlov's Dogs when they heard the bell they would salivate. If I go through the same 'ritual' with the incense and the bell over and over I hope that it will have the same effect. Sounds more rational than spending a fortune just trying to look like a successful magickian.

Love is the law love under will.